How Psychosis Takes Over Your Mind (Part 2)



Looking back over my first two blogs I had this thought: "Wow, this guy just has to hear "you're Jesus" when he's listening to music, and that's it, he goes and follows it like he's crazy, or like he wants to be Jesus." And I can understand that position.
But the point is, the nature of the psychosis is that you actually think it, it emanates from your own mind, or what you understand your mind to be. Contemplate what you are thinking right now, for example: "Oh, this blog is getting complex! Looking forward to tea later." Then imagine that this thought is wrong, it is not your actual thought, it is a psychotic thought super-imposed on your own mind. Wow! This is what it is like. When I am psychotic and say that I am Jesus I actually believe it, because the thought comes from what I perceive, due to past experience, to be my own mind. It is so tragic.

In Buddha School philosophy there is a way of looking at this. The Niwan Palace or pineal gland, is considered to be the seat of the soul. Once the psychosis gets in, it casts a shadow over your real soul, and then takes control. Then you are under the shadow of the psychosis, and the Lord alone knows when you are going to "snap out of it" and come back to your senses. The last episode for me lasted about 2 years, and I only "woke up" after 3 months in various psychiatric institutions brought my mood so low it was impossible to believe anymore I was the Messiah. So back to being just James Poulter.

Personally I find this subject fascinating, so if you have any comments please leave them below this blog.


Comments

  1. Simone21 June 2020 at 08:53

    Ah James, i myself have many ideas about who I am and sometimes i think i am a fairy. would that mean i am psychotic?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. James Poulter21 June 2020 at 09:33

      Simone you probably really are a fairy! The psychosis i experience is associated with harming myself and others. It gives me the very good feeling that i am someone special, then deceives me into immorality. That is the difference.

      Delete
  2. Simone21 June 2020 at 09:53

    Thanks James!

    ReplyDelete
  3. E27 June 2020 at 06:29

    I realize that it may be a bit painful or embarrassing at times, but I want you to continue this blog.

    I also think you should consider -- as long as it will not inhibit you from writing the blog -- reading some masterworks by writers who wrote from the perspective of a previous mental breakdown: "The Eden Express" by Kurt Vonnegut's son, comes to mind.It had a profound influence on my understanding of schizophrenia. Also related, nearly everything by Hugh Selby Jr., especially "Requiem for a Dream" which deals with drug addiction. I don't think anyone's ever beaten it.

    I'm reading "The Room" right now. Selby said that after it was published, he never read it. Didn't have the nerve. But you HAVE the nerve, and the honesty, and the analytical intelligence -- and that's what make you a very special person in this time of ersatz-courage, false outrage and blame-shifting. Street demonstrations and chatter on the web will be quickly forgotten but your writing -- it's hard work I know! -- has the potential to live on for years to come.

    ReplyDelete
  4. E27 June 2020 at 06:30

    BTW, "E" is short for Ethan Gutmann.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. James Poulter27 June 2020 at 06:39

      Thank you so much for your strong words of encouragement Ethan, it really means a lot to me. Going to order these two books now. My next blog is going to be about "religious experiences in psychosis", so going for the jugular again. Take good care of yourself. Peace.

      Delete
  5. Jedi10 July 2020 at 01:08

    Thankyou both guys. So insightful James, as you must be Ethan. One love.

    ReplyDelete

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